It occurs to me...

[Anna Chalova]

Thanks for links!

[nicesock!]

Oh my Gaaaawwwwdddddd........ I can't stop laughing &/or crying........... That dude is so funny...... Man, Whoooooo! I need to take a moment to breathe.

[nicesock!]

A few little laughs.




There was once a very prim and proper older lady who had a problem with passing gas. Since she came from a generation when people didn't even talk about this kind of problem it took a long time for her to seek help. Finally, however, she was persuaded to consult her family doctor.

After she filled out all the proper forms and had waited about 20 minutes in the waiting room the doctor called her into his office, leaned back in his chair, folded his hands into a steeple and asked her how he could help.

"Doctor," she said, "I have a very bad gas problem. Yesterday afternoon I had lunch with the Secretary of State and his wife and had six, um, er, ahhh... silent gas emissions. Last night I had dinner with the governor and his wife and had four silent gas emissions. Then, while sitting in your waiting room I had five silent gas emissions! Doctor, you've got to help me! What can we do?"

"Well," said the doctor raising his voice a little, "I think the first thing we're going to do is give you a hearing test."



Two blondes were taking their first train trip to Warsaw on the train. A vendor came down the corridor selling bananas which they'd never seen before. Each bought one.The first one eagerly peeled the banana and bit into it just as the train went into a tunnel. When the train emerged from the tunnel, she looked across to her friend and said, "I wouldn't eat that if I were you."

"Why not?"

"I took one bite and went blind for half a minute."



A retired sailor purchased a computer and began to learn all about computing. Being a sailor, he was used to addressing his ships as "She" or "Her". But was unsure what was proper for computers.

To solve his dilemma, he found two groups of computer experts: one group was male, and the other group was female.

The group of women reported that computers should be referred to as "HE" because:

1. In order to get their attention you have to turn them on.
2. They have a lot of data but are still clueless.
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems but half the time they are the problem.
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have had a newer and better model.

The group of men reported that computers should be referred to as "SHE" because:

1. No one but the creator understands their logic.
2. The native language they use to talk to other computers is incomprehensible to anyone else.
3. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for later retrieval.
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

[cotton]

http://img105.imageshack.us/img105/5918/jimcarrey28wk.swf

Call somebody on your phone intercom and press the buttons in the link above.hehe

http://www.dorks.com/html/Hilarious-Lip-Sync.html
http://www.dorks.com/html/Marines-Landing-Video.html

[cotton]

[nicesock!]

Sorry, I do not know how to direct link things yet. But here you go, this guy made me laugh and cringe all at the same time.

http://www.funny-city.com/videos/jedi-training.shtml



In honor of the elevator scene in FWD&J

Things to do in an elevator.

1. Grimace painfully while smacking your foreheadand muttering:
"Shut up, damn it, all of you just shut up!"

2. Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World"
incessantly.

3. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside
ask: "Got enough air in there?"

4. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall,
without getting off.

5. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors
open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.

6. Snicker as each person leaves the elevator.

7. Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake
and ask them to call you Admiral.

8. Stare, grinning, at another passenger for awhile, and then
announce: "I've got new socks on!"

9. Meow occasionally.

10. Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.

11. Stare at another passenger for awhile, then announce "You're
one of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator.

12. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask "Is that your
beeper?"

13. Say "Ding!" at each floor.

14. Say "I wonder what all these do" and push the red buttons.

15. Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.

16. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to
the other passengers that this is your "personal space."

17. Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host
body."

18. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.


If elevators aren't your thing, here's a list of stuff to do in a public restroom.

1. Stick your open palm under the stall and ask your neighbour,
"May I borrow a highlighter?"

2. Say "Uh oh, I knew I shouldn't put my lips on that".

3. Cheer and clap loudly every time somebody breaks the silence
with a bodily function noise.

4. Say, "Hmmm, I've never seen that color before."

5. Drop a marble and say, "Oh shoot!! My glass eye!!"

6. Say, "Darn, this water is cold."

7. Grunt and strain real loud for 30 seconds and then drop a
cantaloupe into the toilet bowl from a high place. Sigh
relaxingly.

8. Say, "Now how did that get there?"

9. Say, "Hummus. Reminds me of hummus."

10. Fill up a large flask with Mountain Dew. Squirt it
erratically under the stall walls of your neighbour while
yelling, "Whoa! Easy Boy!!"

11. Say, "Interesting...more sinkers than floaters."

12. Using a small squeeze tube spread peanut butter on a wad of
toilet paper and drop under the stall wall of your neighbour.
Then say, "Could you kick that back over here, please.

13. Say, "C'mon, Mr. Happy! Don't fall asleep on me!!"

14. Say, "Boy, that sure looks like a maggot."

15. Say, "Darn, I knew that drain hole was a little too small.
Now what am I gonna to do?"

16. Play a well known drum cadence over and over again on your
butt cheeks.

17. Before you unroll toilet paper, conspicuously lay down your
"Cross-Dresser Anonymous" newsletter on the floor visible to
the adjacent stall.

18. Lower a small mirror underneath the stall wall and adjust it
so you can see your neighbour an say, "Peek-a-boo!"

19. Drop a D-cup bra on the floor under the stall wall and sing
"Born Free."

[Laura Laing]

[carreyd away]

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-3007417704059163679

[carreyd away]

WTF??
They call Jim the "rubber man," I think he just passed the torch to this guy...

http://www.youtube.com/w/robot-dance?v=mE3tqDLjSLA&feature=Favorites&page=1&t=t&f=b

[Anna Chalova]

WoW! Cool links! Thanks!!! It's gr8!!!

[Laura Laing]

That's amazing!! Thanks

[mav]

haaaahaaa! Thanks cotton, carreyd, nicesock...awesome thread.

[fluffy]

it's HOLLY!!!!!!!!.............AWE........Cotton you got a pic of my mums dog.........such a cute breed.........

fluffy