All puns intended

[cotton]

1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.

4. A dyslexic man walked into a bra.

5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm, and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."

6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"

7. "Doc, I can't stop singing The Green, Green Grass of Home." "That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is it common?" "Well, It's Not Unusual."

8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," says Dolly. "It's true; no bull!" exclaims Daisy.

9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn't find any.

12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know, I amputated your arms!"

13. I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says, Dam!"

16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the raft. Not surprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel, and were standing in
the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour,
the manager came out of the office, and asked them to disperse.
"But why," they asked, as they moved off.
"Because," he said. "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."

18. A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a
family in Egypt, and is named 'Ahmal.' The other goes to a family in Spain;
they name him 'Juan.' Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his
birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she
wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're
twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

19. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which
produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little,
which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad
breath. (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good) ... This made him a
super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

20. A dwarf, who was a mystic, escaped from jail. The call went out that
there was a small medium at large.

[fluffy]

thanks Cotton...........

fluffy

[lammy]

That was great.

[Rosita]

Really grear cotton hahahahahaha thanks

[cotton]

yw Rosa and Fluffs

Hank an 80-year old man goes for a physical. All of
his tests come back with normal results. The doctor says,

"Hank, everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and
emotionally? Are you at peace with God?"

Hank replies, "God and I are tight. He knows I
have poor eyesight, so he's fixed it so when I get up in the middle
of the night to go to the bathroom, POOF! the light goes on.

When I'm done, POOF! the light goes off. " WOW, That's
incredible" the doctor says..

A little later in the day, the doctor calls Hank's wife.


"Ethel," he says, "Hank is doing fine! But I had to call
you as I am in awe. Is it true that he gets up during the night and
POOF! the light goes on in the bathroom, and when he's done POOF!
the light goes off?


"Oh my God!" Ethel exclaim s.


"he's peeing in the refrigerator again!

[fluffy]

fluffy