TAE A FERT (to a fart)
Oh what a sleekit horrible beastie
Lurks in yer belly efter the feastie
Just as ye sit doon amang yer kin
There sterts to stir an enormous wind.
The neeps and tatties and mushy peas
Stert workin like a gentle breeze
But soon the puddin wi the sonsie face
Will have ye blawin’ aw ower the place.
Nae matter whit the hell ye dae
Awbody’s gonnae have tae pay
Even if ye try tae stifle,
It’s like a bullet oot a rifle.
Haud yer bum ticht tae the chair
Tae try and stop the leakin air
Shift yersel frae cheek tae cheek
Pray tae God it disnae reek.
But aw yer efforts go asunder
Oot it comes like a clap o’ thunder
Ricochets aroon the room
Michty me, a sonic boom!
God almighty it fairly reeks;
Hope I huvnae shit ma breeks
Tae the bog I’d better scurry
Aw whit the hell, its no ma worry.
Awbody roon aboot me choking,
Wan or two are nearly bokin
I feel much better for a while
Cannae help but raise a smile.
Wis him! I shout with accusing glower,
Alas too late, he’s just keeled ower
Ye dirty bugger they shout and stare
I dinnae feel welcome any mair.
Where ere ye go let yer wind gan free
Sounds like just the job fur me
Whit a fuss at Rabbie’s perty
Ower the sake o’ wan wee ferty.
