Write a screenplay/story for Jim

holly · Post by **holly** » Sun May 08, 2005 7:25 pm

why don't we try and write a screenplay together.......here's how it'll go......the first few people will set the scene and major characters.....then everyone else will fill in the lines.........

if everyone does 2 lines of dialogue or set instruction it should be quite funny.............

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Ok i'll start us off with 2 characters...........

Jim as the main character to play a 'happy tramp'.......spends his life bumming on the streets scrounging cigs of folk.......sleeps in cardboard box in Central park.........

character 2.....a dog.....a really appealing tramps mutt.......a X jack Russel terrier...................Jim uses him as bait, to scrounge food and pull women..........

we'll need a plot and other characters.................go on, give it a go......

fluffy

..........holly don't exist.........lol

mav · Post by **mav** » Sun May 08, 2005 9:04 pm

Sounds good so far.....

I would give names to the characters.
Character 1. John
Character 2. Woof

Character 3. Matt. Is John's friend, owns a car body repair shop.
Character 4. Julia. Is Matt's sister who John desires, but can't do much about.

Does it sound serious? I wish this could be a comedy.....that's the difficult part.

If anyone wants to scratch characters, introduce new ones etc. , feel free.

quirky · Post by **quirky** » Sun May 08, 2005 9:13 pm

So, does John desire Robert? And who is Robert?

mav · Post by **mav** » Sun May 08, 2005 9:28 pm

oops... corrected now.
I changed the name when I realized Julia and Robert were siblings?!

quirky · Post by **quirky** » Sun May 08, 2005 11:34 pm

I think John needs to have a secret.

jims_lost_daughter · Post by **jims_lost_daughter** » Mon May 09, 2005 2:05 am

can i make a vharacter? cause i dont rele understand what is goin on so far lol.....

Michael - A young guy that meets Jim to try and help him, and he gets introduced with the girl Jim loves, and he falls for her too, they both try to ge her.

quirky · Post by **quirky** » Mon May 09, 2005 2:17 am

Ok, I think Matt should have a restaurant. Because Maslow's needs heirarchy says a person HAS to eat. Maybe Matt could feed John and kind of be a mentor. I think Julia should be Matt's daughter...who works in Matt's restaurant.

I was thinking maybe John could be a genuis, then it occurred to me that's completely derivative of "Good Will Hunting."

I like the addition of Michael, but all these characters have boring names.

mav · Post by **mav** » Mon May 09, 2005 3:13 am

Great suggestion.
Let me attempt to make the names interesting by giving them a last name. And some other changes

Character 1. John Riedel - A down-on-his-luck guy.
Character 2. Kismet - The dog.
Character 3. Matt Summerfield - A restaurant owner, helps John.
Character 4. Julia Summerfield - Matt's daughter, works at the restaurant. Aspiring actress. John likes her.
Character 5. Phil Moore - Runs a pizza place opposite to the restaurant. Eyes Julia and her inheritance. (Hey! I just created a villian

)

Ok, I'll go ahead and some lines to the story....no, screenplay.
Another day. Uncertain but bright as ever. It's 10:00 am. Getting into his only coat, John takes a quick look at the mirror in his one room shabby apartment, whistles to Woof, and the two bound outside onto the junk of a bicycle, master on the seat and the dog in his basket. They pedal two blocks down to The Summerfields Place. Matt would be out as usual, personally overlooking the purchases for his restaurant, making sure only the finest food gets to his customer's plate. But John wouldn't miss him. He looked forward to seeing Julia, Matt's daughter, and bantering with her as she waited on customers tables.

Ok..... Next!

quirky · Post by **quirky** » Mon May 09, 2005 3:51 am

Michael Moore

could pose a problem since this is a real person with rather rabid fans who would have your glutes for breakfast.

The dog still has a boring name. How about "Kismet"? (envisioning a sappy ending where somehow the dog is instrumental in bringing John and Julia together.)

lammy · Post by **lammy** » Mon May 09, 2005 4:25 am

So the tramp has a dog...and she uses her dog to attract clients. She sleeps in a card board box behind a vacant house.

Who cares what the name of her is-just make a plot...

quirky · Post by **quirky** » Mon May 09, 2005 4:36 am

Who cares what the name of her is-just make a plot...

Now I don't even know what the sex of her is!

Hey...this is my process....it's not easy squeezing the creative juices...sometimes you have to set the mood first.

lammy · Post by **lammy** » Mon May 09, 2005 4:43 am

(why everything has to be so difficult?)

Why would a man own a dog for being a tramp?

Anyways-I don't like this plot-sucks!

quirky · Post by **quirky** » Mon May 09, 2005 5:01 am

Thank you Ebert.

holly · Post by **holly** » Mon May 09, 2005 7:57 pm

ha ha..........no Jim's the tramp..........woof's his dog......

He went to New York on a whim.....following the promise of a job and ended up homeless..........Woof was a stray and Jim shared an old burger he found in a bin with him.........from then on they were inseperable.....

ok so far??

How about this then.........he tries begging with no luck, no one will employ him because he's smelly and he can't finad a place to live because of Woof............
So he tries busking.........and he's chased away from pitches by other scary tramps/buskers...........so in the rain one night he finds himself 'singing' outside the New York Opera...........

Now, and here's the sub plot............a record company boss is an invited guest if the opera director that night..........and after a gut full of gin bets the Opera guy that he can make the first person they see as they leave an opera singer...........of course the serious opera director laughs but they agree...........hey presto who do they, see but Jim singing 'Wild Thing' in the rain..........

what do you think ??

Jim will be able to sing his socks off in that one..........

fluffy...........

mav · Post by **mav** » Mon May 09, 2005 7:59 pm

quirky wrote:
Michael Moore
could pose a problem since this is a real person with rather rabid fans who would have your glutes for breakfast.

The dog still has a boring name. How about "Kismet"? (envisioning a sappy ending where somehow the dog is instrumental in bringing John and Julia together.)

....made these changes. Good.

It is such a run-of-the-mill screenplay, but who cares. We can test our amateur story-writing skills.

So......
John had left his not so flourishing celery-farming business to try and find his luck in the city. That landed him in Greenville, where he currently supported himself and his dog *Kismet* doing odd jobs, the latest of which was at Carmen Cookies. He discovered he had a hidden talent for making just about perfect delicious cookies. He held out a chocolate one to Julia as they sat down and he sipped the coffee Julia brought him.

Boring

Can anyone make this interesting ?