Jim Carrey Online

A story I finished.

Here's a preview of it.

August 15 , 1994


There's a woman crying . " Daddy no - don't leave me . " She is standing

over his casket with tears running down her face .

A girl behind her tells Alicia that all was going to be alright .

" I am sorry mam' but I have to close the casket . " The man closes the

casket .

September 10 , 1994


Alicia is coming home from a day at work to find her stepmother laying

on the ground . " Victoria ... Victoria ... " , said Alicia as she turned her

stepmother around . Alicia saw her stepmothers face covered in blood .



Septermber 21 , 1994


" You know what Alicia , do you know how much you are worth right n

now " ,said Sandra ( a friend of Alicia ) .

" Sandra , I am so scared for my life . Daddy tragically died and my

stepmom was killed in this house and I am next " , shouted Alicia . " I

need some protection . "

" Alicia - just remember how important you are at this moment . You are

as important as the president " , says Sandra laughing .

" This really is not funny . I have to get some protection . See you

later . " Alicia hangs up the phone . Alicia begins to think how she was

going to go about hiring a man to protect her . " Yes - a bodyguard .

That's what I need . Cool - tomorrow I'll place an add in the newspaper . "



September 22 , 1994

( 8:oo am )


There is a man sipping his coffee tapping on his desk with a pencil ,

reading the newspaper . He jumps up . " Wow ... look Todd - a lady needs

protection . "

Todd ( his partner/friend ) laughs . " Are you kidding me - you save

anyone . " He laughs once more . " That's to hilarious . "

" What do you mean ... I can certainly save my behind and that is good .

That means a whole lot . " Bill laughed at himself .

" Bill you have all that you dreamed of . You have a great job as an

actor . Why in hecks name do you need a less paying job like that . "

Todd scratched his head .

Bill upset stands up from his chair and grabbed the newspaper . To you

the pay sucks , but I think about all the positive things this career move

will give me " , smiles Bill .

" sheesh Bill , I thought this job is all that you wanted ; the fame ; the

millions of cash ; the honeys ; the babes ... "

" Okay , I get it Todd . I really think this oppertunity will get me far . "

Todd laughs . " I don't know why this job is exciting to you - don't you

like what you are doing ?

" Bill steps out of the office and says pointing , " don't you get it Todd -

I'd be a " HERO " and what a feeling that would be " .

Bill then turns around and starts walking only to bump into a desk .

" You're an idiot ! " Whispers Todd .

September 22 , 1994

( 8:45 am )


Bill decides to call the add . He walks into a coffee shop . As he is

walking inside he is talking to himself . " Wow this job takes guts , I have

to give it a try . " Bill is staring at the newspaper as he calls for the

waitress .

" Hi sir and what can I do for you ? "

" An iced tea and your opinion . " Grins Bill .

" Sure sir . "

" I know you know I am someone famous and what I am about to ask

you may shock you but - do you think I can be a great hero ? "

The lady grins . " Sure , haven't you been many heroes in your

lifetime ? "

" No , I am not talking about my acting ... I mean in real life . "

" Hmm " , says kim ( the waitress ) , " I mean , I don't really know you

in life and I am assuming you are wealthy . What type of heroe are you

talking about ? " Grins Kim .

" Well , I was thinking about a bodyguard position . "

" Pft , I mean - wow , you are going to leave a good paying job for

something so little like that . Are you okay sir ? "

" Okay - never mind just go grab me my iced tea " , says Bill sadly .

" Wow , no one is taking me seriously , that's really a bad sign this job

move is not cool " , he says to himself .

" Here you go sir " , says Kim turning around only to turn back

around , " oh and by the way , good luck with that job , hope the pay is

good " . She laughs as she is walking away .

" Oh brother . I guess no one is seeing the positive side of this , but what

the heck - I am going with my gut . " He laughs . Bill goes to sip from the

straw and the straw ends up going up his nose . " Ouch . That hurt . " He l

laughs . Bill's ice tea tiped over and spilled all over the table . Weting the

newspaper . " Crap ... no , no." Bill quickly picks up the newspaper and

starts shaking it around , rubbing it all over his body .

People in the coffee shop started looking at him weird .

" Are you okay sir ? "

" No , I'm okay! Can't you see what I'm doing " , screamed Bill .

An old lady responded by saying , " yeah , you look like you want to

have sex with the darn newspaper " .

" What are you a sicko " , shouted Bill to the old lady .

" Hmm ! " The lady turned her head around .

Bill runs out of the coffee shop screaming . " Help me , someone

please . "

A police car pulls up to Bill .

Bill runs to the cruiser . " Please help me ... please . "

Sir step away from the vehicle and tell us what heppened " , says one of

the officer as he opens the door and steps out .

Bill looks at the officer with a serious face he says , " do you have a

pen ? "

" What the ... "

The officer outside of his patrol looks at his partner inside the cruiser and

say , " this guy is going in ... what do you think ? "

Carl ( the officer inside the cruiser ) takes a peak at Bill .

Bill is still rubbing the newspaper on his private part .

" Yeah - let's take him in! "

Bill dropped to his knees . " Please officer , all I want is a pen - please . "

"Okay , I'm going to give you a pen but you are going in for absructing

peace . " The officer hands Bill a pen .

Bill writes the number on his palm . As they are cuffing him he looks up

at the sky . " I have a heroe job " , he says to himself smiling .

" Can you believe this guy - he's smiling away knowing he is going to the

slammer " ,says Carl to his partner .

September 22 , 1994

( 9:30 am )


" Hurry up pal , you only have 5 minutes to call someone that cares . "

Laughed Carl .

" Thanx so much" , replied Bill .

The phone rings at Alicia's home . She had not been out since her

stepmother was strangely killed . She was now calling herself Rose . She

also had changed her phone number and only the add had it listed . She

picks up the phone. " Hello . "

Bill cleared his throat . " Hi . Hello . I am trying to reach someone who

had an add out about being a bodyguard , are they available ? " Bill

closed his eyes .

" Yes , that would be me . Are you looking for a job ? "

" I do but can you get me out of jail ... I don't want my publicist to know

I'm here .

" What ... ? You will be hired to watch me not to end up in jail " , said

Alicia (aka Rose ) . " I don't think you qualify . " Rose went to hang up

the phone .

" Wait ... don't hang up . I do qualify . I have a blackbelt in my closet .

I'm an avid reader of " How to spot a lunatic trilogy " . Trust me - I

qualify . " Bill closed his eyes then says , " I am qualified . "

Rose taps the side of her lip with her index finger and says , " well I am

going to put you on a first warning notice . No seconds nor third . First

strike you are out . Is that understood ? "

" Of course it is ... it's great , cause I know I am an expert . " Laughs

Bill .

Alicia hung up the phone .

" Yes " , said Bill excited . " Can I get another call ? "

" No pal . One call per person - right ? Whatever ! Let's bring you back to

your cell " , said Carl .

Walking Bill to his cell Carl shoved him . The officer opened the cell for

Bill .

Bill walks in . " You are lucky officer that I am going to be a heroe . "

Laughed Bill .

" Really ? For what planet ? " Laughed Carl . He closed the cell . " The

only thingyou can save - doesn't exits . Carl walks away .

" What jerk he is . " Bill sat down patiently inside the cell waiting for Rose

to arrive .

The doors open at the precinct . A young beautyful girl walks in . Her hair

blowing away as she took a step closer to the precincts information desk .

All theofficer stared with jaws open at Rose .

Rose took of her sunglasses and placed them on her head holding her

hair back ." Hi . Yes ... there's a citizen being held here for some reason

that shouldn't be so .I am his lawyer and am here to post bail for him .

His name is ... hmm ... came in recently and ... " , says Rose tapping her

lips with her finger .

Carl stood up . " oh , you mean Bill . Yes he is here . Being held for

to much hitting the cheese , tossing the curly ... freezing the tooth ... "

" What in names are you talking about " , asked Rose confused .

Carl came closer to Rose . " Lady he is high as the clouds above your

head . When we found him he was screaming for someone to help him . "

LaughsCarl .

Carl's partner was laughing to .

" Yeah he needed help because he didn't have a pen . "

" What " , asked Rose . " You are holding him in for that ? "

" We believe his druged up mam' " , replied Carl .

" Oh , great . How much is it sir to get him out ? "

Carl began walking away . " He'll tell you . Be back - going to get your

nutty client . Carl goes to get Bill . " Bill , time to go , but I know you will

be back . All famous stars always come back . " Laughed Carl .