Jim Carrey Online

By the whim of the Academy, you are awarded the Oscar statuette for best actor/actress.

Give your speech:

-accepts Oscar statuette

"Wow! I am really humbled by your meaningful accolade. First, I would like to thank God, with whom all things are possible. I would stop there, but so many people helped me on my road to Oscar greatness. Mom and Dad...I want to thank you for potty traning me, because that has come in useful so many more times than I can count. I would like to thank the writer of the film "Life"...Theo McMighty...he's truly a genius and without the fabulous screenplay, this would have been yet another night of sitting Indian style in front of the TV eating popcorn and watching everyone else get an award. I want to thank the director, Tim Burton...who abandoned his typically darker genre to bring light to this movie and to turn it into something really spectacular *blows air kiss at Tim Burton*. I would like to thank my brothers for holding me down and tickling me 'till I puked and for using me as the football...you guys made me strong. *holds up closed fist* And we're solid. *pumps closed fist*.

-music starts

I also want to thank all my online buddies for making me think and helping to round out my character so I could inhabit the character of Patty O'Furnishur.

-music gets louder

And to all the little people. Especially the ones in the "Wizard of Oz" and "Willy Wonka" because you amused me as a kid.

-woman edges closer and tells me it's time to get off stage

And to all the fans out there, for being who you are and remembering that All the world's a stage and all the men and women merely players. Thanks for not stalking me and kidnapping my pets.

-music gets really loud....cane snakes out from stage right

And to my agent Rich Erthan-Creasas, thanks for pulling for me, buddy.

-Cane pulls me offstage to massive applause, cut to commercial.

Whew! First of all I am HONORED to recieve such an elegant, yellow statue. I'm gonna put it on top of my fireplace when I get home, no doubt about that! I'd like to thank umm. . . God first of all for letting me be the fastest sperm in the bunch.
I'd also like to thank uhh. . China, for supplying this wonderfully made statue, (not to mention everything else).
My mom for giving birth to me, My dad for helping my mother along during her pregnancy (although it was his fault), And everybody at JCO for the encouragement they gave me.

I would now like to perfom a song that has meant so much to me throughout the years and has helped me through the hard times. Please stand as I sing: The Devil Went Down To Gorgia.

To all i've loved, i've loved you all.......
We've had a laugh, we've had a ball...
This one's for you..and you.. and you...
Thanks for the gong.........i guess i'm through....

Thankyou one and all, time for an ice-cream break...........

Relieved at the short and sweet nature of this one, the crowd go mad....and wildly appreciative of the Haagen Dagz girls walking down the aisle......

Fluffy

Merci, merci beaucoup, tous la monde avec tous ma couer.
Se Ca,
Gracias, amigos,
Danka shein
(follows with my Canadian Whoop)
(Scottish accent) We're a multi-cultured caliedescope of people and
I want to thank you all for this fantastic naked statue, but unfortunately
I canna accept it due to the fact that I canna keep such a pornographic
commoditie in my possession, what would ma grandkids think, the
wee bairns.
No, but thank you just he same, its the thought that counts.
But I accept the recommendation, its truly fine, just fine.
(Canadian accent)
Thanks, guys ehhhhhhh!
Hey what's Jim Carrey eating over there, looks like Orange Sherbet,
(jumps off stage) hey Jim that's my favorite, while running down the
isle and Jim escapes eating all the sherbet to himself.

These are FunNEEE!!!

Scottish accent) We're a multi-cultured caliedescope of people and
I want to thank you all for this fantastic naked statue, but unfortunately
I canna accept it due to the fact that I canna keep such a pornographic
commoditie in my possession, what would ma grandkids think, the
wee bairns.

Ahem!!.............lol........... .....i hope you are doing my beautiful Scots lilt justice..............lol

Fluffy

LOL!! Them are really funny-let me try...

First I want to thank Jim for taking a chance with me, without him I wouldn't be here. I just wanted to show him that I had talent and I do and I will retire with this statue because I really want to be a normal person with a normal life-all the publicity is great but it is a pain in the ass cause I have no time for anything and that really sucks!

(people start booing me)

But please, don't think that I am not honored to be up here, after all I have an Oscar and what does J-Lo have over me..a big but.

(laughter)

I love you all for taking the time to see my one movie-the only movie I decided to do next to Jim and he was actually better than me and am sorry that no one saw this..

Thanx again!

Thank you, Thank you, ladies and gentlemen, members of the Academy for recognizing me for who I am, a talented psycho analyst that I always was, am and will be. Heidi was not just a character for me, she is the epitome of obsession behind the appearances of all of us gathered here today.
I thank my family for being so positively negative and for always believing in my lack of talent and encouraging me to give up, come rain or shine. A big thank you to my dog, poopy, when I had no one, I cleaned after you, and subsequently had no time for depression and drugs.
I thank everyone who worked on 'The Talented Miss Heidi', we were like a family, strongly bonded, dysfunctional and hanging on to the hope for love in undenying faith of optimism in the oneness of the cause of the movie proving once again the greatness in the miracle ....*forgets speech and tries to read from the scribblings on a paper napkin* ....pick up clothes from laundry....wash poopy...
Thank you.
-

You guys are great!