Jim Carrey Online

All ye of little faith.....................lol...........



fluffy

may i present a Pooch in a papoose..............lol........

The day began like any other in the household. Ochre and russet burned through the creamy white window drapes and the air hung heavy with the scent of damp and Autumn.
Outside the birds danced, charming the worms from their beds and singing their tales of morning hope throughout the grounds..........

Inside the building, only the 'master of the house' stirred......Always early to rise, he took comfort in the peace and solitude.......His days were busy enough, silence was a gift, he'd learned to embrace peace, not everyone can he thought............so seated at a desk by the windows and clutching a huge mug of coffee he started to read through his commitments for the day.....

A sleepy little Poochy yawned then turned and licked baby kitty's head......all was well. Then, stumbling out of the orange bed she wobbled over to her master....then began to lick his bare feet........

LOL.....he began to giggle.....Poochy's little tongue was rough, warm and wet....it tickled.....
Until he started to roar......

'OMG Poochy, you're killing me here,'...........lol

and patting his lap invited the little dog to jump up then tickled her tummy as she flopped onto her side.........

'you're a cute little mutt Poocher's'.......... he chuckled
'i wonder what kind of a life you had before we found you?'......

and rubbing her little ears, he was again rewarded with little dog kisses, then doggy snores as she dozed off feeling safe....


Dreams swirled around her head.....faces of kindness and cruelty flashed in front of her eyes.....The dull thud of metal on flesh.......the ripping of claws........but far worse the cruelty and hunger......
Poochy wasn't an old dog........but she understood life and it's pains better than most....From the tiny puppy taken from it's family.......to the neglect and lonliness......She had slept under cars...(good if the engine was warm), scrounged food from bins and endured cruelty from strangers fixated with harming the defenceless .............
It had been one of these strangers who had caught up with the little dog............devoid of human company she had trusted him, her little tail wagging.......he had rewarded her with some severe kicks................
Dragging her little body behind a bin she lay waiting to die......all strength ebbed out............unable to eat or drink.....in ferocious temperatures Poochy awaited her fate................

Then she heard his kindly voice.........she had one last chance.....so dragging her little body she followed the sound and squeaked a little bark........

"well what do we have here'...........a large hand loomed over Poochies head..........she was terrified and snapped.......

'hey!!.........that's not very nice'...........Poochy cowerd away in terror.......she ached so much....and her fleas irritated her sore little body............The voice trailed away........and Poochy knew she was on her own again......back to the bins..............

The next day Poochy lay exhausted, starving and sore..............it wouldn't be long now........
A familiar voice rang out........perhaps......just perhaps.......?
and staggering out once more her little brown eyes met his large ones.....
This time she didn't snap...........she didn't cower .........she licked his hand....................she was safe at last............


Jim carried on reading and gently rubbing her tummy.......her little legs kicked out and she gave out little yelps.......
'hey Poocher's wake up baby.............daddy's gotta shower'....and gently pushing the little tummy from side to side woke her up..................

looking into the smiling face she sat up and licked his nose........she understood, despite the grumpy male bravado at times and the occasional bout of shouting he wasn't a threat........... he was in fact compassionate and kind at heart........
Like an Armadillo.......crunchy on the outside, but soft in the centre..

and basically a good man ......

she knew she was safe.........

fluffy

Thanksgiving 2005......This was gonna be something new for Poochy.........

For the ocassion Jim had decided to 'throw caution to the wind' and charter a yacht........The idea was to have friends and family relax, swim, have fun, then chef would prepare a great meal for everyone
and luckily Poochy was little enough to go along for the ride.................

The little dog sat happily in his lap during the journey to the boat.......her little head snugggled against his chest she took in the scenery from the windows.
There was a new face in the car this time.........a girl......gentle and pretty and familiar, there was something about the smile. Poochy licked her hand and was rewarded by tickles.......

On the yacht Poochy ran around excitedly......strange faces smiled, laughed and embraced....hands reached down to the little dog who flopped on her back, she wasn't gonna pass up the opportunity of a belly rub..........The boat smelt clean and new and of 'chicken!!!!!'...........Poochy went to investigate.................

Following her little nostrils Poochy found herself in the crafts kitchen area.......there were 2 strangers feverishly preparing food for the guests.....Platters were laden high with salad , fruits, vegetables, dressed salmons, terrines, pies and desserts......the hobs were steaming with hot food.......The ovens roasting poatoes and something deliciously similiar to chicken...........
The little dog wandered over and looked through the glass oven doors.......it was an ENORMOUS 'chicken'........ bigger than Poochy, bigger in fact than Hazel the dog.........Poochy began to drool.............

'get that dog outa here!!!' shouted an angry voice
and Poochy felt hands grab her by the bum and hawl her up to the deck..........But she'd seen the promised land.........the biggest 'chicken' in the world.......she knew she had to see it again.........

Meanwhile on the deck, people were laughing and drinking champagne........some were diving off the boat and others were relaxing in the sun................

The smells wafted up to the deck....Poochy was beside herself .........
scurrying about between people legs she looked for a route down to that 'chicken'....................but the door was shut.......
The deck was prepared with a large table and chairs, all beautifully decorated, but no food lay on the table, the sun would affect it.......
So, predictably the doors opened...........and the two chefs began to take the meal up to the deck..........Poochy saw her chance..........slipping down the stairs, through the door she hid behind a chair...........

'we'll take the salad and fish out first' shouted a gruff voice............'leave the Turkey for last................'
and as was suggested the two men removed the 'starter' dishes...........Poochy watched, waiting, anticipating her 'chicken' feast....

Once the dishes had been removed the spectacular moment arrived........the 'chicken' was taken out of the oven............it looked even better out of the oven, she thought to herself.....but when was she gonna get a nibble?.........
The clatter of dishes could be heard.........and the two men proceeded to collect the dirty plates.............
'put out the veggies first'............remember the turkey is last'..bellowed the voice.....................'Jim wants to take that out'
And Poochy just watched...............on the surface in it's full majestic glory lay the 'chicken'...........golden and crispy.....
Edging closer she listened for footsteps........then clambouring onto a chair then the work surface she came 'eye to eye' with her heart's desire........her little mouth drooled........'dare she'??........'could she'?...
Up on the deck the chefs laughed and tidied and prepared the table.....but Poochy.......well she was about to do the unthinkable...........
Sniffing closer she flicked out her tongue.......heavenly.......yum!
and there was something esle too..something sweet and chewy...a kind of stuffing.......she started to tuck in......and using her paws scratched out the stuffing onto the worktop........
Her little head began to dissappear into the carcass as she scratched and gobbled from deeper inside the bird.......
Then footsteps!!!!.............Startled, her little head bobbed up........but she couldn't get it out of the bird..............OMG!!..what was happening.....she pulled and struggled.........Footsteps could be heard on the steps..
Her collar had hooked on the chest bone...........Poochy was well and truely stuck.............she began to cry.............
Struggling and wriggling she tried to dislodge the bird but found herself falling to the ground........
Now she was stuck dragging the huge bird along the floor of the kitchen.....The footsteps stopped........

Observing the scene before him Jim began to laugh..........real, belly laughs.........The turkey was bouncing about on the ground before him, with weird howling sounds coming from the bird and at once he saw Poochy's little fat bottom and back legs waggling desperately out of the carcass............She was the same colour as the bird too.........it was a bizzarre sight..........
Shouting up to everyone to 'see this'.............Poochy realised that she had been well and truely rumbled............. Laughter rang throughout boat ...........broken only by the angry shouts of the chefs.............

'out you come'.......and unhooking the collar a greasy little mutt was removed from the bird.............
'you're gonna need another bath' he laughed.............

'what R we gonna do about the bird'? asked the head chef.........

'Well we have plenty fish, hams and salads...........and there's deserts'......
But i guess we could always take the meat from the bit she's not been at'......and if she's had a lick we'll live...'......

'they have the cleanest mouths'..........he chuckled recalling the dog biscuit incident in Bruce Almighty........
Poochy sidled up to her master apologetically and licked his hand........then balancing on her back legs she wobbled, pleading to be picked up.......



Looking down at the worried little face he started to laugh.......yeah ok, mutt.........but you've been very very naughty this time.......
'no Turkey for you' he exclaimed then rolled her onto her back to play tickle tums.......



But Poochy was just happy that he still wanted to play..........
Now THAT was something to be thankful for..........
...................................................................................................

Happy Thanksgiving folks!!!!!!

FLUFFY

Hehehe How cute!

I've laughed at for a loooooooogggggg time.
Thanks so much.
I can just imagine the whole thing. Poochy looks so great.
My mom and I use to have a poodle/cockapoo.
The picture looks like a bison frise, or is it a poodle???

lol..............she's a fat furry little Norfolk Terrier........a real cutie!!!......

fluffy

DEC 17TH 2005..........Christmas Shopping....

Waking up to the early morning rain, the sounds of raindrops falling from the Magnolias and the 'pitter patter' on the glass, the day ahead was a sobering thought.....
Lying in the silence, consciously aware of the gentle throbs of breathing next to him, he felt an ache of aprehension , Christmas shopping, if only he could avoid it but there were some things he just couldn't.

Slipping out quietly from the sheets he padded to the kitchen, he needed his morning coffee. He was first up, and taking comfort in his solitude he wandered through to the television room, sprawled on the leather and fingered the remote. The early news was on......the usual images flashed before him, war, famine, disaster and a water-skiing squirrel, nothing new there then.
Walking to the windows he pressed his head to the cold glass, the sky was denying him the brilliant pinks and reds and golds he loved, instead the morning was a dull melancholic grey. The excitement of the last few weeks had taken it's toll, he was tired and looking forward to escaping for a few days with his family.

Poochy awoke abruptly, where was he? The little dog had missed him....She was usually so aware, so jumping off the bed she scurried around looking for her master. She knew instinctively where to find him, despite his power and fame she knew he was a creature of habit, so she bounded into the television room and taking a running jump onto the leather sofa, landed on his belly.
'OMG Poochers!!'.........
he was taken by surprise, then laughing, he grabbed the little dog and held her in his arms as he rubbed her little tummy, as usual she rewarded him with her kisses, they were both happy to see each other.
Once coffee time was over he wandered through to the kitchen, filled a bowl with 'honey nut cheerios' and milk then laid it on the floor, Poochy tucked in and he got himself showered and ready for the day.

Then grabbing the car keys he whistled on Poochy to follow, she might as well keep him company.
The big SUV was all steamed up inside, it had been a frosty night, so putting on the fans and seat heaters, he strapped poochy into the passenger seat. Soon they were weaving slowly through the morning traffic, Poochies little eyes took in the sights, she loved being in the car with him, every trip was a new adventure.
Looking at the little dog he smiled, and spoke soothing words to her, he was a softie at heart. But why was Poochy shuffling her bottom?
Poochy wriggled in her seat then 'air bit' near her bottom, why was it getting so hot? Had she piddled herself?. Nope, she was still in full control of her functions but her bum was getting very toasty indeed.
Realising his own bum was getting overheated Jim laughed to himself, then patted Poochies little rump, it was certainly hot stuff today and turning the heat down he gave her ears a tickle.

Arrival at the department store was relatively low key. The store had opened half an hour early for him, and the staff consisted of star-struck departmental managers. He knew exactly what to get, most of his presents had been sorted weeks earlier. These were gifts to hand to people over lunch as extras.
The shop turned a blind eye to the little mutt at his ankles, Jim was a man on a mission, he aimed to be out of the shop in 25 minutes flat.
Presents were purchased. The perfumery blitzed, then onto electricals and the IPODS, through to the food and drink sections. Hampers were bought, fine wines boxed up, Poochy was in heaven.
Through to jewellery he pondered over trinkets unaware Poochy was currently investigating the hams and cakes in the food department.

The mission was complete, he signed for the goods then headed for the back door, as the front door was opened behind him.
Reaching the car he looked at his feet and realised to his horror that Poochy was missing. He'd have no option but to go back inside.
Praying that the store was still empty he walked back in, grabbed an assistant and explained the gravity of the situation. The search was on.
Meanwhile Poochy was settled happily underneath the skirt of an Xmas tree chewing happily on a Dundee cake and a shoe.

Striding as fast as he could through the store he shouted her name, avoiding eye contact or making a fuss. Past Beauty, though electical, onto food but still no sign. Turning left he became aware of a group of people, but it was too late, he had been spotted, right outside Santa's grotto.
Kids screamed in excitment, their mothers trembled. He couldn't be grumpy here, of all places, so smiling he shook hands and signed autographs, whilst the staff roped off the area and continued the search.
Photos were taken and kids tormented him with their Ace impressions, but if ever he felt like the Grinch this was the time, he thought to himself.
At that moment the radio call came through, Poochy had been found with half a shoe and the remains of the Dundee cake.
As he turned to leave, Santa appeared to shake his hand.
'Get Jims pic with Santa' came a voice...........'sure why not' he replied..
However sitting on Santa's knee wasn't quite what he had in mind, but if it kept the kids happy......
At that moment, the furry ball of trouble came bounding through, spotted her master and took a running rump onto his lap. Santa and Jim laughed, Poochy was covered in crumbs and was on sugar high.
She excitedly licked his face, then spotting the ruddy cheeks and red nose of Santa started licking him too. Both men laughed, but then Poochy clocked the beard........it wasn't real, it looked like a cat, 'Hmm...' she eyed it suspiciously. Suddenly leaping out of Jims arms she lunged at the beard and with a 'ping' the elastic broke...Santa was left beardless.
What's more Santa was a she!!!
Jim looked aghast, then a little voice cried out "Santa's not real, he's a girl' and Santa began turning the air blue with expletives.

In unison 20 kids began to cry, the parents began to get angry and Jim felt the ground open up beneath him..........What in God's name could he do to rescue this situation??........
Thinking on his feet, he dashed into the toy Department and grabbed a Grinch rubber mask...........then doing what he does best gave the kids a show whilst Santa fixed herself...........Tears changed to laugher and cheers.
But was it good enough to compensate the kids for ruining the magic of Xmas? He didn't need to worry, they loved him.
And after promising the parents free toys and Santa visits Jim grabbed Poochy and escaped out the back.........

Sitting in the cosy car and looking at the happy wee mutt, he thought to himself, next year i'm giving book tokens, then chuckled, all the way back home.


Fluffy

Quite enjoyable.

praise indeed..................

fluffy

hehehe

Please excuse me if I'm not as ebullient with the whole praise, adjective thing.

I have no idea what's going to happen this Christmas. Neither does my grandma and she hasn't even baked ONE kind of cookie...because my uncle found out he's borderline diabetic....and everyone's on a diet.


She normally bakes a BUNCH of coookies.

I can't fix this thing. The rest of the family doing it's own thing and kind of forgetting that our Christmas has ALWAYS been at grandma's....these past 5 year with me helping her.

I think I'll drive up to see her within the next couple of days...and bring the ingredients for my favorite cookies.

In the meantime...this is one messed up holiday.

I substitue all white sugar for brown, and have the spices take over on the flavour instead of the sugar, there's nothing lifk the smell of cinnimon, nutmeg,ginger, allspice fregranting through the air, mmmm good.

DECEMBER 31ST/JANUARY 1ST 2005/06

New Years Eve, Poochy's first with her new master. Back in LA the house was still decked out in Xmas decorations and people were beginning to arrive. Poochy ran around excitedly, taking in new faces and new smells. Laughter rang out throughout the building and a sense of occasion filled the air.
This New Years Eve was one for close friends and loved ones,the storms engulfing the area showed little or no sign of relenting. Over a good meal, great booze, and some wild fun and games they would see the New Year in together.
The little dog was greatful to be spending this New Years Eve warm and fed, and together with her little friend Kitty, she revelled in the tickles and attention and soon the day wore on and the guests were ready for the celebrations ahead.

As the rain poured down outside the guests relaxed. Clutching glasses of punch they made their way to the dining room which was decked out in candle-light and huge vases of lilies. Despite the formality of the setting the mood was one of relaxed fun. Poochy happily wandered around the room settling under the table.
The meal was brought out, wine flowed, thunder rolled.
Poochy's eyes widened in terror as lightening flashed throughout the heavy sky. Crash!!!.....flash!!.....the storm was overhead, Poochy trembled in fear, she was definitly a little girly dog, she hated storms.
The lights flickered overhead...Suddenly they went out!

'oh shit, don't panic folks, it's a power cut, the lights will come on soon', yelled Jim and the guests giggled nervously.
Poochy on the other hand ran out of the dining room in terror, 'where was Kitty???......where was her baby KItty??..... If Kitty wasn't indoors she must be outside in that rain..
Racing for the cat flap she squeezed her fat little bottom through.

As the lightening flashed, the rain poured and the thunder rolled overhead she ran between the bushes looking for the little black and white body.
Suddenly she spotted it and racing over, dragged the soaked bedragled body back to the house. Covered in mud and almost unrecognisable Poochy dragged the little soul back to the dining room and under the table where she felt safest.
The soaked furball was weak and barely responded to Poochy's clean up attempts and under the table it was pitch black. Undeterred Poochy licked and groomed her little 'friend' as the laughter around them got more and more raucious.
Thirsty from the grooming Poochy wandered through to her water bowl and on her way out 'kissed' her master on the hand.

As Poochy wandered out of the room people became aware of a dreadful smell but politely chose to ignore it. Eyes darted about the table by the light of the candles. Everyone was thinking the same thing..
'who's farted'?
People gagged slightly and giggled nervously. Some-one had a serious problem It was almost inhuman but It couldn't be Poochy ,she wasn't in the room.
With desert to follow ,the group decided to go to the main living area and carrying the candles and booze they went through together....
They were still in high spirits and began playing games and telling jokes in the semi-darkness......Time flew by and before they knew where they were the New Year was upon them....
Kisses were exchanged, champagne opened and toasts made but soon they were retiring to their rooms.

Running back to collect Kitty Poochy carried the little furball in her teeth and in the darkness took up their place under Jims bed.....cosy in their little orange bed.
Together with a relatively new love in his life Jim got into bed drunk and playful. The girl was stunning and fun to be with and he deserved some fun.
Then suddenly came the familiar stench smelt downstairs. They looked at each other, it had to be one of them. She looked at Jim and gagged, he looked at her and coughed...Bouncing apart she ran to the bathroom.

Both were in shock, they didn't expect that.
Poochy was in shock too. Kitty smelt bad, really bad. Had she had an accident?..Nope!....no accident, just a rotten smell.
Thankfully the lights flickered on Poochy looked at Kitty in astonishment. Where was she?, 'this wasn't Kitty'.......snuggled up to Poochy in all her furry glory was a baby skunk.....
Poochy leapt out barking and diving under the bed Jim saw where the stench came from...Laughing loudly he called on his companion to see what the fuss was about.
' a skunk, a bloody skunk!!!' Poochy has adopted a bloody skunk'!!

She saw the funny side and together they ushered 'Stunk' outside......stopping to let Kitty out of the linen cupboard where she had been trapped for the last few hours.

Grabbing Kitty Poochy licked her face and snuggled her into their bed together relieved she was safe.

And Jimmy?.............well he was relieved he didn't have the worst case of flatulence ever smelt, but more importantly neither did his date........

Fluffy

I think what I love most about Mr. Carrey is his off-the-cuff remarks (ad-lib) and his timing. I would love to sit for just a few minutes and spar him. I love the head-to-head combat (jokes played off one another) that occures between two people. So, I guess my dream would be to create a screenplay (similar to Spinal Tap, without a script!) Entitled '?' Kind of mysery... A tribute to the artist formlerly known as Prince.