Jim Carrey Online

ok then.....it's about the dog and Jim

Lying on the grass the little group relaxed..........

Jim propped on one arm...........Briget lying on back............

"So tell me about this so called screenplay?.....what's it about? a horror you said"

"awe no, i don't want to bore you with it, it's not really a horror............hell, i wouldn't want you to think i was just an oportunist" .....She felt uncomfortable...........

'no really, go on..........bore me senseless!......lol'........

"ok, well it's nothing really.......it's just a little project i gave myself......it's about 'control'.......i guess"..........

"go on"

"well, it's kinda a story for today .......we are all control mad.......we've gotta reach all these goals........if we don't we're failures................but imagine the freedom of just being who you want to be, without being in control?"....

"you mean become an anarchist drop out.....lol........we've gotta have rules....."

"yeah, but not in love.............there's no blueprint we HAVE to follow.......my characters kinda change their blueprint......."....

"what you mean free love n' all that...........?".........

"no...........it's about a shift in power and the kinda erotocisim that arises.........lol"

"sounds pervy"......LOL.............

"no...............erotic...........i'm not doing porn you know.........lol....."

"pity"..........both start to laugh

"if you're a good boy i may tell you about it one day..............lol........"

"as long as there's lots of sex in it......."............lol

"you never know.................lol"...........coyly

The pair laugh, relax, talk...............George Sleeps under a tree, Hazel chews on a toy and Poochy, well Poochers is very much awake and bored!!........

inching closer Poochy puts her front paws on Jims chest...........her head nestled in his armpit...........

Bridget smiles....... 'that little dog adores you'..........

"i guess so, she's a stray you know'.......playing with Poochies ears

"they're usually the most trusting and loyal of all y'know..........hey there Poochers.....we're in the same boat kiddo (reaching for Poochies ears)........we're both strays in a strange place.........lol".....

Jim looks at her...........she doesn't have that LA attitude, she doesn't expect anything from him and she appears to trust him...........lol.......'he could have some fun with this, it was a refreshing change' ..........lol

fluffy

As the group relaxed they were unaware of the gathering storm.......The rumble of thunder growled ominously ahead.........
'we'd better find shelter, it's gonna rain' Jim said, grabbing their things
'i love storms' an excited Bridget chirped.........they are so exciting........
'yeah, not these ones'.......'these are just bloody mean'.....Jim replied...............'awe, but lightening is so pretty, like God's fireworks.....don't you think?'
Jim just looked at her for a moment....'was she a bit retarded or something?.......no he decided she was just British, a different breed of tail ........lol..........
As they got up and gathered their things they were met by a huge volley of raindrops.......juicy, large, wet ones............
'awe shit........we can shelter over here' he said grabbing for Bridgets hand as they ran to a shelter.....................
'the rain is so warm here' ..........CRACK!!............lightening zig-zagged accross the sky.....................
'oh woweee!!...........that's soooo pretty'.......crack after crack, after crack scored halos in the air..........Briget loved it..................
Jim looked on........amused at her delight........George and Hazel were pressed as far as possible under the bench as they could get......hazel Shivered and George had his head tucked under a leg...............
'awe Man, they are petrified' Jim commented..........down on his hands and knees he stroked the terrified pets........'sshhhh, it's ok....it's ok big guy......i'm here.....awe Haz....Ru cold....here's your blankie..........'...he stroked their ears and kissed their noses..........oblivious to watching eyes...........Bridget smiled.......he was a kind hearted softie........
'hang on though, where's Poochy??....'...........Jim checked the shelter....there was no sign..........but she had to be here........'shit, the silly mutt will be terrified......i'll have to go back and check'......running out of the shelter he was hit by the rain.........in an instant his shirt was soaked 'HHHmmmmmm' thought Bridge..............'tasty'......
'Poochy, Poochy, ..........where are you you stupid canine?.......i should never have taken you on.........you've been more troub...........POOCHY!!!'
Poochy was huddled against a tree whimpering.........covered in mud and shaking....... she was cold and scared again, she thought those days were over...........
'awe Poochers baby, come to daddy'.......he scooped her up in his arms and once again was rewarded by that little pink tongue of gratitude....'Poochy why didn't you follow us?.....we thought you were with us under the bench'.......looking back he realised why.....an empty ice cream carton lay on the ground.........the greedy wee mutt had a sweet tooth and had gone after the discarded treat................
'Poochy you are one crazy mutt'...........he chuckled to himself as he carried the little dog to the shelter, the storm was beginning to pass.....
'you found her!!' a relieved Bridget cried.............thank god!.............
'yeah, she's had a bit of an adventure today' Jim laughed.............

but he knew that his evening would be spent bathing a little dog.......in those vanilla bubbles yet again........ this was becoming a regular occurence..............lol

fluffy

But not tonight..........lol...........Mary, the housekeeper could wash the grubby little mutt!!............he had other plans!!

fluffy

MAV...!!!...............................

oh! oh! I want the housekeeper, not Jim LOL!! But first...

DISCLAIMER : All characters are fictitious....well...almost all

Poochy had gotten a cold from being out in the rain. She looked so sick Jim called the vet, who said she would be ok in a couple of days. Then even George was sneezing and walked around like a grumpy old hag. Jim had to go and asked the housekeeper, Mary, to keep an eye on them. Poochy's cold got worse, she looked sullen with her tongue sticking out. Mary had human notions on canine cold. She tried the steam inhaler, but Poochy kept walking away and burying her head in her paws. She tried to stick a thermometer into the dog's mouth, but Poochy ducked. Finally she put on some Enya in the hope it would soothe the dog. But Poochy howled at the music and Mary promptly turned it off. When Mary started making chicken soup, Poochy almost shook her head. Poochy missed Bridge, her gentle lullabies would have been very welcome now.
-

Have to bring the dogs back to health


As the good doctor said, Poochy and George were fine in a couple of days. They enjoyed pulling at the dog rag and even though George was the bigger of the two, he would let Poochy 'win'. But Poochy didn't just want the rag, she also wanted George's tail! And ofcourse George woudn't let her have it, which led to them going round and round chasing one another's tail. Mary would try to shush the commotion by coming between them and they would feign quiet for some time. But Poochy would be back nibbling at George's ears. When George wanted some quiet rest he would jump atop the tall bed that Poochy couldn't reach and go to sleep.
-

then suddenly a gypsy comes along and turns Jim's girlfriend into a ladybug. She then turns Jim into a dragon and Jim-dragon chases the gypsy and then burns her to a crisp. and then comes along a giant space rocket with tiny blue aliens it it and then a snake comes into the room but the snake morphs into Simon Cowell and turns Jim he has to save the world before midnight or his son will remain a troll for the rest of his days. Jim then flies into a portal which takes him into the Wallace and Gromit universe where he helps Wallace and Gromit battle a giant robot rabbit thing with psychic powers. And then GOD tells them to find the holy meatloaf. Jim turns himself into a plane and flies into the sky. when they get to Spam-a-lot Jim befrieds a bunch of bums and turns them into kick butt knights of the really unusual table. They then face a three headed monkey-man and win. the monkey man gives them the 12 silver links to the kingdom of Do Not Disturbia and they find the holy meatloaf and give it to King Arty Farty and become heroes. The end.

WoW......what a dream that was...........fairies and planes .........he realized he must have also caught a cold causing strange dreams.....time to get better quick, today he had alot to do......................

It was early, a full day lay ahead...........the house was beginning wake. Zig zags of red, gold and ochre decorated the room, he sat at his computer in shorts and t-shirt checking out his schedule........
'So much to do, sigh.. .......'. ..........discussions to hold.....Schedules to set........people to meet........treatments to read.........hell, would he have any time left for himself today??........He worked hard , no matter what people thought.......

After washing, dressing and Coffee he grabbed Poochy, he liked her company and she made him smile and jumped in the SUV.......
Sitting in his lap as he drove, the little dog looked out at the passing world.........so blue, so big, so exciting she thought, as she spied the ocean............she'd love to frolic in the sea.........perhaps if she was lucky.........
Then onto the office............He had meetings all morning ......the buildings seemed huge ...............people focussing on their day, clutching their Starbucks, stode past......perhaps someone would drop a muffin......?

The vehicle stopped and Jim jumped out with Poochy at his feet..........
'hey Maan, how's it going'?.........he addressed the doorman, who looked amused at the little dog, but held the door open nevertheless.........
Up in the lift, past security.......along the corridor........into the office....

This was a VERY important meeting......Dean sat, drumming his fingers on the table.........'hey , any news?' asked Jim...........'yeah, we have Lift off'........'thank god for that!!'...............It had taken longer than anyone wanted, but at last the bloody filming was finished ........the two men shook hands warmly and congratulated each other..........'This calls for a celebration' Jim cried out............'let's get out of here, i need some fresh air, we can get lunch ..................'

Finding themselves at the beach Poochy could hardly contain herself.........so much space, so much fresh air and sand to roll in .......Wheeeeee.......the little dog , still a bit stiff from her accident ran as fast as her little legs could carry her.......Down to the water.......she bit at the waves.......yelping excitedly.............The men laughed.......she really was a funny little mutt.............

They strolled, they chatted, they eyed up the bikini bodies..........they relaxed................

Bridget strolled along the beach alone.
He hadn't called, she didn't really expect him too, after all she wasn't an actress or a model, by LA standards she was average, a British curiosity, 'an Englishwoman in LA'.......'the duck out of water'.... she thought..
Still, she was having a ball. The weather was glorious the sand warm between her toes...........the beach quiet........She was happy...............


Further down the beach, the two men laughed, exchanged conversation and enjoyed some fresh air........
Poochy ran up to the water as if chasing it .....then she'd run away when the waves rolled in............Jim laughed at the little game of 'chase'.....
Finding a quieter spot they sat down..............

Jim- 'man that sun is hot'...........he fanned himself with the paper...........
Dean Nodded in agreement, he was reading something...........

Jim- 'Do you think dogs can understand us, sometimes Poochy has a knowing look in her eyes'.......

Dean- 'Probably gas'..........

Jim- 'yeah, i guess you're right'........

Shutting his eyes he lay back into the soft warm sand......and drifted.....

Poochy meanwhile was having a ball.......she was running all over the sand.........killing those deadly waves and staking out her kingdom......
something cought her attention in the near distance.......it was moving...she went to investigate.................
Brilliant yellows, reds, ochre...........it fluttered and flapped...Poochy sniffed at it then followed it along it's merry dance.............

Bridget sat, notebook in hand..........she was kinda lacking inspiration, life had a habit of creeping in and distracting her...
She would use the next few days to clear her mind........The air was clear and the light danced on the waves.......
she felt truely peaceful,.......... and yet if only ............she corrected herself.........stuff like that doesn't happen in the real world......it was laughable..........
She felt safe enough on this beach to lie back and close her eyes.....her summer dress protecting her British complexion..........
Relaxing in the warmth she too drifted off........back to the land of grey skies, drizzle and Marmite...........
Then rain, warm wet....covering her face........"what the.....?"..........
Sitting up abruptly she found herself with a warm furry little body in her lap......a friend......"Poochy'!!...........what are you doing here".....she laughed, scooping up the little dog before showering her furry head in kisses...........'where's your daddy?'..........scanning the beach didn't provide the answer.........
'which direction Poochers??..........where do we go?......go get daddy....'...
but no joy.....

Standing up the two men surveyed the sands.............."Poochy.....Poochy..........',
'Awe shit.'.............sighed Jim......................................

but in the distance Poochy was about to bring his friend to him once again.........

fluffy
_________________

um..............i'll try and remember the next bit..................

A poodle came over the horizon wearing a tiara...........Poochy grabbed the tiara and ran behind a log and started digging.........Whilst Jim was apologising to the owner and handing over cash Poochy heard a little meowing noise.............a kitten......Grabbing the kitten she ran over to her Master....."what is that' he yelled!!..........'where's the tiara'........
Poochy went to her warm Fluffy orange bed with the kitten......Jim came in the room and opened a little pink bag.....placing a diamond studded collar around her neck he said 'who needs a tiara when you can have the real thing'?..........Goodnight Mutt!.............


i think that's it.............

A sleepy Poochy licked at the warm hands around her neck.........the collar was nice but his touch nicer. She felt safe and gazing into his brown eyes she saw her reflection.......turning to lick the kittens face, she snuggled down...........she was happy but she wondered how long her happiness would last.......the little stray had stumbled into her new world, fate had taken control, but her master was the boss and she knew he could just as easily get rid of her, tonight ,all she could do was continue to dream..........

fluffy

Waking up abruptly Poochy was aware of the empty bed........where was her Kitten?......Ok, it wasn't hers but she needed to know it was safe and well.............Tearing off round the house she barked, yelped and scratched at doors......The house was still.........Dawn had broken but Poochy didn't care about the beauty outside..........where was the baby??........Tearing throught the building she howled........then she heard it............a faint meow..........the baby!!...........
Following the the little cries she found herself in an area she didn't know, the bedroom area ...........Scratching at the door and howling worked...............a sleepy Jim opened the door and was greeted by a furry canonball diving into his arms...........'what the hell.....?'......
Poochy covered him in morning kisses........then jumped onto the bed........KITTY!!!..........she started to lick the kittens face..............
Getting back into bed Jim laughed..........Kitty was cosy in the bed......a little nest had been made for her under a blanket..........
'i had to make sure the baby was warm Poochers'.........i couldn't just leave her........she's so little.........'.........
The little dog licked his face in gratitude......then curled around Kitty.......then Jim curled around Poochy...........lol...............
'aaaaaahh...........furry heaven he thought'...........

Time passed......Poochy awoke, Kitty and Jim slept on............jumping off the bed the little dog sniffed around the room.......there were chairs in pale fabrics, she made a mental note NOT to mess them up.........huge windows........sheer drapes.......It was a sanctuary.......
Sniffing under the bed she discovered a discarded sock.......and other bit's and bobs.........she began to do what all little dogs do.....chew!

Chew, chew, chew,................but it wouldn't go down.........the little dog began to make rasping, gasping sounds..........she began to panic......
A sleepy Jim opened his eyes to the little dog on the floor beneath him........."what the........"...............POOCHY!!!...........
her little eyes were begining to water.............Grabbing her head he prised her mouth open.............."OMG............shit shit shit!!!'........
grabbing his jeans and trainers he reached for the dog then ran ...........
Out to the car..........a choking dog in his arms..............
How was he gonna explain this one to the vet??............
Poochy was choking on a condom.......!!!



fluffy

Good one!lol

I think the condom gag killed the screenplay.

Geddit? Condom gag? Geddit?

OK, I'll stop now.

hahahah.....

yep.........that's a rib tickler all right........lol........geddit??.........lol........

fluffy